yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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