I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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