Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no, he came in my armpit
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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