U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
