having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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