think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
