the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
