he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
