Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was like eating out sand paper
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
