Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
