I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
