I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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