Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
