This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
