I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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