I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
