i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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