the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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