I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
