Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
