My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
