Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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