the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
