I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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