Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
