Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
