I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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