are you still at the devil's house?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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