my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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