dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I believe in your delicious
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
