There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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