sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
