Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
