I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
