Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
