Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
