dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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