Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
