do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
