you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
