Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
