he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
