high people should be assigned attendants
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Less talking, more tequila
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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