I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
