8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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