Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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