I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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