I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
