The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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