If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
