Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
