the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
