don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
