Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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