I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
