what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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